Growing Older But Not Up

Ok, I’ll say it : I do not like celebrating my birthday. I should’ve been a Wednesday’s child, not a Tuesday’s.

It’s not that I care about being older, because that does not faze me. Honestly. 33, 23, 45, whatever. Either you become another year older or you’re dead – so I’ll take being another year older. And everyone ages. Every day in fact. So it’s not like my turning another year older makes me more, or less, special than anyone else.

And, coming from a small family, it’s not like birthdays were huge events in our house. Sure, we celebrated, but it was always small scale. Or inevitably, one of us had gymnastics, soccer, volleyball, study group, you-name-it, after school so plans were delayed or altered. Plus, with a birthday on the heels of Christmas and New Year’s, I’m all partied out. And, growing up, I knew that whatever I had not received on my Christmas list, I was going to receive for my birthday. Both holidays involve sweaters and jeans, it’s not like I can benefit from a summer and winter wardrobe, or new releases of books. I just get the after Christmas sales (which, I will say, I took advantage of this year and bought myself some nice things in the off-season).

Other reasons I could care less about celebrating my birthday :

-inevitably, when someone finds out it’s my birthday (or anyone else’s), said person will say, ‘only # years old? That’s so young!’ or ‘I cannot remember being that young’ or some other such inane thing. Don’t you realise that makes any special feelings I had about my birthday vanish into the pot of your ‘dismissivness’? Don’t trivialize my birthday.

-or, people younger than me say something like ‘you’re # years old? Wow, what’s that feel like?’ And this is exclaimed in a way that makes me feel ancient, uncool, and older than one feels.’ Thanks, but I don’t need that.

-when I wake up, I don’t feel differently. I don’t remember being born. Nothing changes overnight in some magical way.

-in my memory, whenever I have planned a party or anything special like that, it was always way way less than my expectations and I was severely disappointed and let down. So now I figure why go to the hassle of planning, of all the cooking – cleaning – shopping – anticipating – etc., when I will just be frustrated and sad?

- do NOT ‘surprise’ me with a cake at dinner and do NOT try to plan my dinner, or a dinner around the date of my birthday, don’t try to tell me I need to go out with you, and a group of people, to celebrate, and don’t talk down to me if I say I just want to spend my birthday at home doing what I want. It might make you feel better or superior or ‘giving’ when you think you’re doing something ‘for’ me, but I despise it – all you are doing is making yourself feel better. Pat yourself on your back at someone else’s expense, not mine. And I cannot stand the song ‘Happy Birthday’.

-to continue on that thought, I often don’t want to do anything with others for my birthday because I don’t want to subject other people to doing something they may not enjoy ; or I may not know what I want to do / where I want to go until the last minute, and that isn’t fair to the invited people. Sure, I go along with whatever you want to do for your birthday, even if I don’t like it. But I don’t want to subject you to the same discomfort. Human beings are selfish enough anyway, why do we need to go above and beyond?

-living in a different time zone just makes it less special. For me, my birthday is half over by the time most of you are waking up. And do I celebrate my birthday in my current timezone, or do I have to wait until the timezone of my birth location? (At which time, I’ll be in bed asleep.)

-and birthdays just make me play the comparison game in my head. At my age, my parents had been married 10 years and had 2 kids. Refer back to first point, where everyone older than me this past week has been telling me what they were doing ‘when they were my age.’ In every case, it makes it seem like I am the lesser person – I am not married, I don’t have kids, I am not a vice president, I am not travelling SE Asia, I don’t have a doctorate, etc. Sure, I know these people are just making conversation, but the comparison game never works well. Having a birthday just reminds me that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, where I want to do it, or when ; and that other people seem to have done more than me by the same point in their lives.

So, I don’t need people dismissing me, and I don’t need to feel like I’m older than I am or less than I am. I am what I am. Who cares if I survived another year? We should celebrate every day if that were the case.

Why all the megativity around this? Well, I’ve always felt this way, now I’m just voicing it.

For a cultural perspective : in France it is the responsibility of the birthday person to take friends out to dinner and/or bring croissants (or something) in to the office. Overall, probably a good deal as then you never have to foot expensive bills for all of your friends’ random celebrations – this way you only pay once during the year. However, it is a bit annoying to shell out 30 USD before 8 a.m.

To end on positive notes :

-in the last decade (Feb 3 2002 ; Feb 1 2004 ; Feb 6 2005) I had the joy of celebrating my birthday at Super Bowl parties (go Pats!), at which no one knew it was my birthday. So that was fine, and fun.

-2008 was a good celebration because I was in Houston and then on a plane to New Orleans for Mardi Gras where I celebrated with Cassie and Manny – thanks !!!

-with a birthday on the heels of New Year’s, I am given a 2nd chance at completing resolutions and refocusing my life (not like it has mattered or amounted to anything). I feel like I’ve had a month to relax from the holidays and travel, and thus I can spend some time thinking about what I’d like to change in my life.

-the Australian Open and US Figure Skating championships are always around my birthday (not that I watch either, but still)

-I do love receiving emails and cards for my birthday. These I can enjoy at home, read them again and again, and know that you took time out of your busy day to write me. I like that. And I apologise to all of you who received belated birthday cards from me in 2009 (or so belated, none at all). I promise to be better this year!!!

-And, the past few years, I have come to count on Cirque du Soleil, NFL UK, Swarovski, Best Buy, FNAC and Eddie Bauer – I get email birthday greetings from them, always in my mailbox before I wake up. Today, as of 2 p.m. Paris I’ve received 3 email wishes from friends (not w/in the office) and 6 from companies.